miss-brown asked: Moose!

I’m not giving you anything. Would you just stop it?

» via i-moosedyourgirl (originally i-moosedyourgirl)

3 months ago on 20 February 2012 @ 4:00pm 5 notes

miss-brown asked: Moose!

You didn’t…. you didn’t realize I was a prostitute the night I approached you?

This is awkward. I thought I mentioned it. It was all in the fine print of that piece of paper I made you sign just because we took our pants off. I don’t know how you don’t remember this. I know I blew your mind and everything, but honestly, Lavender. I didn’t realise I was that good.

Oh wait, yes I did.

I’m not stupid, I know you aren’t a prostitute. That piece of paper you had me sign was your tab at the bar, you arse. And I can hardly remember that night, so perhaps you should move on and annoy a girl with no self-respect or a partially-functioning brain.

Source:i-moosedyourgirl

» via i-moosedyourgirl (originally i-moosedyourgirl)

3 months ago on 19 February 2012 @ 3:17pm 5 notes

miss-brown asked: Moose!

i-moosedyourgirl:

Ah, Miss Brown. Perfect timing, as usual. It has come to my attention that you still haven’t paid me for my services. Here is your price list:

$5 for every passionate kiss. I counted 17 but I could be wrong. I’m willing to only charge for 15.

$75 for the overall experience, which is a very generous price as I’m giving you a discount as you were one of my favorite customers.

$50 for the morning oral sex. I was tired, but you were worth it.

$4 for the scratches you left on my back. They were not easy to explain to my wife. I mean wut? What wife? I never said that.

$2 for the condom.

You can pay it in parts if you like. I don’t demand a full payment straight away. I’m also happy to let you pay in BJ’s and snuggles every Thursday night for the next three weeks. Let me know which one suits you best. Nice talking to you, gurl.

Have you lost your mind? Or were you just dropped on your head as a child? I am not paying you for anything, you idiot. Since when do you whore yourself out? You approached me, remember? I didn’t hire you… just… stop with the prostitution, okay?

Source:i-moosedyourgirl

» via i-moosedyourgirl (originally i-moosedyourgirl)

3 months ago on 19 February 2012 @ 2:54pm 5 notes

Where’d you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it’s been forever,
That you’ve been gone.

Where’d you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it’s been forever,
That you’ve been gone,

Please come back home.